I see the beauty of your scars...

Life has been interesting lately. As I look back on the last couple of months, I find myself feeling a host of emotions.

I am ridiculously lucky to have such a wonderful husband and a beautiful 6 month old daughter in my world. I don't know how I would do it without either of them. They are my entire life. They make me want to be a better person for them and for myself. I have been desperately trying to work on the latter. It is difficult trying to re-learn the beauty of loving myself. I have been in the dark for so long, it seems impossible to see the light at times. But I am becoming more aware of the fact that the light IS there, and I simply have to search it out and let it shine on me once more.

I feel incredibly happy to have met someone who reminds me to live life. Pessimist as I am, I feel sad at the thought of losing her and the people who I love dearly in my life.
Though there is immense ground to cover, I feel myself loving her.
She and I seem to have a shocking resemblance in my eyes. We can see the beauty in each other but neither can find it in ourselves. Odd, huh?
I hope to find it one day in myself and if she'll let me, I want to help her believe in herself and show her how absolutely amazing she is. Because she is.

Byron Katie comes to mind at this time. She is. Life is. I am. We are. We simply are.

I thought about this the other day. A loved one committed suicide and this was said when they were gone.

"she said, 'you gave in. you left. maybe that was right for you at that moment. but babe, look at all the beautiful things you missed. life is fucked. but look at what you missed. beautiful things.'"

I think of that often. 

my darling at 5 months