me and you. as opposed to us.

doubt that the stars are fire
doubt that the sun does move
doubt truth to be a liar
but never doubt I love.

shakespeare.

to the human who is.

take the needle.

thread it carefully.

feel the beat of this heart held in your hands.

feel it losing its beat.

stitch.

and stitch.

fix me, my love.

fix me.

what's written in Braille upon my skin....

leave me out with the waste.

when they told you to stop
did you want to keep going?
when they pushed you to tears
could you feel your pain showing?
did you know you were drifting
from the moment you drifted?
could you feel your heart shifting
before it had shifted?
and I ask you this
mostly for me
because people like us
can go quietly.


a problem.
can I only be this?
problems can be fixed.
can I only be this?

she said, "you're gonna suffer for my sins."

will the sun rise tomorrow morning?

will the blood stay in my body tonight?

does the good ever make the pain worth it?
I say yes.
I say no.
how?

I want to fight.
I want to give up.
I want to give up every single damn thing.
how?



I love you. I don't deserve you. you hold my heart in your hands. I am yours.

you made my world spin. you showed me life. you showed me how not to miss it. I loved every minute. I wish for what I wish.

I hate you. I never want to see you again. the memories of you break my heart. I don't care that you are who you are.

and you. I have never been seen such loyalty in my life. it amazes me every day.

you choose who you are.



and yet. I breathe.
and I walk.
and I smoke.
the choice now is life.
moving on.
waiting it out.
have I decided that?
or has it been decided for me?

she said, "you gave in. you left. maybe that was right for you at that moment. but babe, look at all the beautiful things you missed. life is fucked. but look at what you missed."

I am always here.
I am lost.
yet I am here.


forgive me.
forgive me if I choose to miss the beautiful things.

I'm going to lose you.

All this talk of getting old
It's bringing me down, my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm coming down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Because the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

And I know I'm on a losing streak
Because I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Because the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Because baby, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, if you leave my life, I'm better off dead

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down

And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make me worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Because baby, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, if you leave my life, I'm better off dead.

the human heart

The sound of cries in agony
Awakes my sleeping demon
The mood of grief excites me
The mood invert my grief to joy

The demon makes me laugh a demonic silent laughter
My tears are filled with joy cause I enjoy the death

Laughter of the funeral...

This ceremony is boring
Have no understanding
May my feelings are gone
And may my soul is cold

The hymns are raping the souls
Of the ones which I hate
I feel their anger against me
I feel their anger against me
But I laugh at their fault cause I'm stronger

Laughter of the funeral...

when you cry, I taste the salt in your tears...

today, I fully understood, up to this point, the phrase, "I'm in a room full of people, yet completely alone."

can't see when I go to work, can't see when I get off
how do you expect someone not to get lost
every year I just keep getting deeper in debt
if there's a happy day I haven't seen one yet.
take 'em away take 'em away
take away these chains from me
my heart is broken because my spirit's not free
take away these chains from me.

getting high and mumbling german fables...

I don't care.
I don't care anymore.

I feel lost.
if I lose you, I lose a part of myself.
what else matters?

do I want to see you?
yes.
do I want to see you?
no.
do I want to see anyone else?
hell no.

do I still enable you to let me feel this?
this insanity. why do I allow myself to give you this power?
why do you visit me now every night in my dreams?
why do I still cry to sleep every night?

when will it end?
will I find peace?
more importantly, will you find peace?

fuck.

don't leave.

hold my hand. those fingers wrapped in mine.

wait.

just wait.

only this moment matters.


when you forgive your imperfections
and you've auctioned all your clothes
and you look to see your true reflection
you will be the one who loves you the most.


she looks at me so fearlessly
and I take it all too seriously
but it all becomes so clear to me
and makes me understand
I believe she's mine.
she's mine.
all mine.