I can't believe it's been 7 months...

today, I laughed.

sometimes, I think we forget how to. or I do. I'm kinda relearning the little things. and I have the lovely Lydia to thank for that. she probably doesn't know that she has helped me through all this shit in the weirdest way. she can always make me laugh, no matter what, and she always puts up with me. I'm going to miss her so much.

worked a double today...the first of 3 or 4 in a row. should rack up some hours, get some money in the bank for upcoming bills. :S oh well.

not much has been going on. alot of work.

looking forward to July...Phil and D's wedding...seeing Kristy. I miss that lady.

I'm also kinda looking forward to this year....it's weird. I haven't looked forward to anything in a while. but I'm excited about things this year. first one that stands out is April having her baby. I'm pretty damn excited about that. I haven't been close friends with anyone that has had a baby recently, and I don't remember that feeling of holding a baby...so I'm excited about that.

also, I'm turning 21 this year. and in early January of 2011, I want everyone to come to Austin with me to celebrate. and by everyone, I literally mean everyone I know. come get wasted with me. :D

I think that's all I have for now. it's odd being off before 9pm. feels much later. I have to go find something to do....or go to sleep...

just sit back...and watch it fall to pieces...

that part of her heart wanted to die.
it's wanted to shut the pain out for so long.
it's wanted to shut everything out.
she wanted to shut you out. and up. and away.
but she still...clings. to that last bit. that you will always have a claim on.
she hates it.
fucking hates it.
she finally hopes it'll go away.
she finally hopes you will go away.
don't come back.
don't hurt me anymore.

all she wants to do now is finish this
tip the glass to the floor
watch it shatter.
so she will strive and strive reaching for the sky
as she cuts and bleeds
waiting for the day she strives to be
this broken glass thrown into heaven.

I shall name you nixie and you will be my nixie....

today, I went to work. it was boring, but good to be there.

I'm watching the movie, Brothers. it's really quite fascinating. really fantastic acting. I find it so interesting that kids seek so much attention from their parents. they'll do anything to get it. I guess it's normal. but it's scary at the same time. so much about kids scare me. they're such smart crazy little fuckers. maybe I'll have some of my own someday, and I won't be scared of them anymore.

bike night at strbux tonight. cigarettes and coffee and my Andy for just a bit. delicious.

I got to call Pat tonight and talk to him about my tattoo. see when he'll be in next. I've been waiting for ages for this one. I'm pretty psyched about it. I'm so glad Mattie is up for designing all mine for me. he's the best. ;) I'll post some pics when I get it done...maybe next week, unsure yet, tho.

I think that's it for now. happy 4.20 to all. ;)

I really need to finish our Amsterdam trip blog.....

today, I felt surprised by something someone told me.

I woke up feeling so tired and quite hungover this morning. but I had to get up and go to work.
work was...meh, normal. slow. weird churchy people. :S
I came home and fell asleep, then went and played some volleyball with Sam and everyone from work. my team only won once. I think it was because Lydia abandoned us. oh well.

I kinda don't know what to do with myself tonight. so I guess I'm listening to Lily Allen and writing a blog.
I'm tired. I'm glad I finally have a day off tomorrow. Andy and I are planning on going to the bank tomorrow and going to see Tommy. I'm pretty excited. I've really missed seeing him at work lately. he hasn't been coming in as regularly as he usually does. He invited us to go to the lake with him and his family, and I got really excited. I'm looking forward to going sailing this summer. alot. there's always alot of drama involved, and usually weird memories, but there's nothing like getting out in the middle of the lake with the wind and the water. pretty amazing.

if you get bored, visit iheartstrangers.com. he's amazing.

the littlest things...

I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could.
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
there's no one in the world that could replace you.

each broken heart will eventually mend...

I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
someday you will be loved.

You'll be loved you'll be loved
like you never have known
the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
just a series of blurs
like I never occurred
someday you will be loved.

I'm only going to break your heart...

Been there done that messed around
I'm having fun don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet.
I won't let you in again
The messages I've tried to send
My information's just not going in.

Burning bridges shore to shore
I'll break away from something more
I'm not to not to love until it's cheap.

Do do do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are heard
There's certain things that should be left unsaid.
Tick tick tick tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do is fill me up with doubt.

This time baby I'll be bulletproof.