I can't hear you through the noise....

you're the closest thing I know to love
so let me in
the moon is glowing white
and time's a-wasting
and don't you want to know
what happens when
we start at the start
before it becomes that thing
that broke my heart in two
we've been here before
that place where we dwell until
we find we both want something more...

so let's pretend that for a moment
we have never loved before
touch my skin
and I will kiss your lips and
we can both ignore
that feeling of wait,
what happens in time
I know this is cool for now
but I just might change my mind
and leave
you there in the dust
I know that you loved me a lot
but it was never quite discussed...

I'll take everything in this life...

I am lost in my head again
these thoughts coming to haunt me
I am caught in the memory
of things I left behind
somewhere I never knew I left them
they are lost to me.

I am stuck in this body
until something can free me
and then what where do I go from here
lost again into the air
into the sky into another body.

and I'm scared
and nobody knows me anymore
I'm lost
faceless in this crowd
again
I am alone
and I will always be alone
...maybe.

and this fear when nobody knows you anymore
and you're lost
only a memory
something quite like it goes
walking around
not feeling anything

can you hear me?

it's my dreams you steal your way into...

And so I say I don't love you,
Though it kills me
It's a lie that sets you free.

I will wrap my body
In other women's arms.
Make love in a hurry,
Feel better than I am.
Hope you find yourself
In someone else's eyes.

And so I say I don't love you.


Am I strong enough?

I miss the peace I feel when I hear that song....

today, kristy spring waters.
I miss you, lady.
we had some crazy good times.
I think we need to make some more, yeah?

if only it had been the past few months.
it would have been unbelievably amazing.
who knows what crazy shit would have happened.

fitting like a glove. no, better than.

me and you. as opposed to us.

doubt that the stars are fire
doubt that the sun does move
doubt truth to be a liar
but never doubt I love.

shakespeare.

to the human who is.

take the needle.

thread it carefully.

feel the beat of this heart held in your hands.

feel it losing its beat.

stitch.

and stitch.

fix me, my love.

fix me.

what's written in Braille upon my skin....

leave me out with the waste.

when they told you to stop
did you want to keep going?
when they pushed you to tears
could you feel your pain showing?
did you know you were drifting
from the moment you drifted?
could you feel your heart shifting
before it had shifted?
and I ask you this
mostly for me
because people like us
can go quietly.


a problem.
can I only be this?
problems can be fixed.
can I only be this?

she said, "you're gonna suffer for my sins."

will the sun rise tomorrow morning?

will the blood stay in my body tonight?

does the good ever make the pain worth it?
I say yes.
I say no.
how?

I want to fight.
I want to give up.
I want to give up every single damn thing.
how?



I love you. I don't deserve you. you hold my heart in your hands. I am yours.

you made my world spin. you showed me life. you showed me how not to miss it. I loved every minute. I wish for what I wish.

I hate you. I never want to see you again. the memories of you break my heart. I don't care that you are who you are.

and you. I have never been seen such loyalty in my life. it amazes me every day.

you choose who you are.



and yet. I breathe.
and I walk.
and I smoke.
the choice now is life.
moving on.
waiting it out.
have I decided that?
or has it been decided for me?

she said, "you gave in. you left. maybe that was right for you at that moment. but babe, look at all the beautiful things you missed. life is fucked. but look at what you missed."

I am always here.
I am lost.
yet I am here.


forgive me.
forgive me if I choose to miss the beautiful things.