because people like us...can go quietly....

the SEXIEST woman on the planet. or one of them. I am in love with her. Marion Cotillard.

to you. from me. always.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick. and think of you.
Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new.

Sometimes you picture me. I'm walking too far ahead.
You're calling to me....I can't hear what you have said.
Then you say...
Go slow.
I fall behind.
The second hand unwinds.

If you're lost you can look and you will find me.
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you. I'll be waiting.
Time after time.

Watching through windows...you're wondering if I'm okie.
Secrets stolen from deep inside.
The storm beats out of time.

If you're lost....

then you say, go slow...I'll fall behind...

my words cannot suffice. so I shall borrow from others. perhaps for a while now.

and we'll never go to sleep. and I'll never even yawn...

today. my brother called me. his girlfriend is pregnant. leave it to the unmarried ones to have the first kid. :P

today. I am the most glad to have a moped. we escaped approximately 3 hours of traffic.

today. I am the most excited and nervous I have ever been to go visit someone. ;)

today. I have been too happy. and too sad.

tell her any way you can...not sorry....

I wanna make enough money
To run my life
From the top of a mountain
In the dead of night
It’ll be you and me
And a couple of dogs
And the rest of the world
Can just move on
Cuz i got what i want
And i got what i need
And there’s nothing
In this world
But you
For me

And there’ll be fish in the lake
And there’ll be chickens on the lawn
And we’ll never go to sleep
And i’ll never even yawn
And you’ll tell me lots of stories
About when i was old
And i wasn’t too much fun then
From all the stories i been told
Now i got what i want
And i got what i need
And there’s nothing
In this world
But you
For me

And all the those little things we like to talk about
All those little things we like to say
Nothing even matters at all
‘cept for how we live today

And we can sit up on the mountain
I can hold your hand
And we’ll forget all that we learned
And we’ll forget our plans
And we can see things clearly
In the absence of the light
And we’ll realize there’s nothing
More than this tonight
And i got what i want
And i got what i need
And there’s nothing
In this world
But you
For me

you are someone else...I am still right here....

I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel.
I focus on the pain...the only thing that's real.
What have I become.
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away in the end.

I think there is a tree frog in my house. or a cricket or two. it's quite loud now. or maybe it's just especially quiet otherwise.

I wish my mind was quiet. it's raging a storm. it's interesting to watch. and listen to. so I s'pose I don't wish my mind was quiet. someone once said that we only wish for the wrong things.

I started Dean Koontz's third book tonight. Brother Odd. good so far...I won't know for sure though until I finish it. until the end.

I've been thinking a good bit about death recently. and how I might die. and if I'll be ready. I want to be ready. so I try to prepare my mind for it. but I don't know I'm doing it correctly. or if it's working.

mad world.

daddy's got a new .45....

father's day.

pop, I love you. I wish I could see you today.

also. to andy. guess how I tell you? ;)

autumn came around like a drifter to an onramp...

12.33.

12.34.

12.35.

it's running forever. like everyone you see.

I'm sticking with you. 'cause I'm made of glue.
I saw you hanging from a tree. and I may believe it was me.
But with you by my side, I can do anything...
When we swing, we hang past right and wrong.

I need to get into touch with an old friend. something seems to be holding me back, though. a story my mind is telling me. she called me a few days ago and I think about her every day. think about calling her back. but I don't. I feel as though I need to. that I ought to. I don't know what it is exactly. but I should. I know I'll enjoy our conversation. so I don't quite know what it is. procrastination? ;)

Andy and I are in the process of cleaning out our apartment. we're going through each room figuring out what we don't use or need. we've assembled it into two different piles. well, actually three. 1: trash. weee. 2. other people's items 3. garage sale. we have so much stuff we've never used or that we've only used a few times. ridiculous.
So far, we've cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, living room and now it's for the two rooms that will take the longest: bedroom and closet. wow, there is so much shit in there. oh yeah, and the closet on the balcony. sigh. ;) but I think we're doing good so far. ;) I'm excited to be getting rid of stuff.

so. two people I know have had babies recently. and I was trying to think if there was a third person I knew. and there is. it's the theory of people you know die in threes. I think people give birth in threes, too. weirdo.

I trained a girl at work today. she reminded me of a girl I used to work with named Julia. she was amazing. this new girl seems okie so far, although I wish she would brush her teeth. they're gross. and kinda black. icky. and I forgot my free meal. :(

an astronaut could have seen the hunger in my eyes from space. what?

Also...

Definitely check out our new blog about the house:

http://alt-house.blogspot.com/

it will be amazing. the end.

pictures of the house!

Sam. nailing.

Andy and I. the floor...
the frame!
Mike and Sam.
Judah! and Phil!
hmmm. can you find me?
sweet moses!
Andy grabbed my hammer...
measuring! and my bald head.
the front. and you can kinda see the side. and all the great amazing windows. and Sam's ass.

the front again. I love those doors.
Stephen. and his blue lips. from blowing a smurf. :P

I deserve a little more...

why do you lie? do you not trust me enough? can you not?
why are you hiding these simple truths from me?

as I ask you this, I know why. for I do it as well.

I cannot breathe today.

forever odd....

Without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterdays....

the cosmic fish they love to kiss....

WE ARE BUILDING A HOUSE!

It is amazing. ;) we have the frame, part of the walls, the main floor, and the finished roof up. So now Phil is working on the plumbing. sweet moses, it's amazing. Electrical is next, then insulation... we kinda have to save some money up for both of those.
I really appreciate everyone working on it with us, you guys are amazing. and Sam....shit yeah. ;)

Work has been kinda crazy lately. the whole month of June, the Pentacostals are in town, camping out or going to their damn conferences or whatever. so they come in to eat in hordes. listen to the insanity - they come in 5-20 minutes before close, in multiple parties of 12, 15, 20, and 30, and stay for 2-3 hours. by this time its 1am. I suppose they don't realize that everyone in the restaurant has to stay 1-2 hours after they leave to clean their mess. I was there till...2am last night. sigh. what's also annoying is lazy people I work with...if I'm FOH closer, I have to either re-clean their section or wait FOREVER for them to either get their section done. they're so lazy. sigh.

I finished my Dean Koontz book last night. It's the second in the series of Odd Thomas. the books are pretty damn fantastic, and somehow the endings of the book always get to me the most. I always think the endings to anything - any movie or book - are the absolute most important. the ending makes the story. Idk, it's just really good.

That might be all I have today.

until next time...

leave me...

I have had many interesting thoughts lately....

I want to make some crazy art...involving human body parts.

I am so happy I got my lava lamp fixed.

I feel hurt. I seem to always hurt the ones I love. over and over...

I feel crazy excited to be building a house. and scared.

I feel relieved to escape conversations.

I want to start writing again.

that's all for tonight. maybe more later....

leave me out with the waste.

I remember...