what's written in Braille upon my skin....

leave me out with the waste.

when they told you to stop
did you want to keep going?
when they pushed you to tears
could you feel your pain showing?
did you know you were drifting
from the moment you drifted?
could you feel your heart shifting
before it had shifted?
and I ask you this
mostly for me
because people like us
can go quietly.


a problem.
can I only be this?
problems can be fixed.
can I only be this?

she said, "you're gonna suffer for my sins."

will the sun rise tomorrow morning?

will the blood stay in my body tonight?

does the good ever make the pain worth it?
I say yes.
I say no.
how?

I want to fight.
I want to give up.
I want to give up every single damn thing.
how?



I love you. I don't deserve you. you hold my heart in your hands. I am yours.

you made my world spin. you showed me life. you showed me how not to miss it. I loved every minute. I wish for what I wish.

I hate you. I never want to see you again. the memories of you break my heart. I don't care that you are who you are.

and you. I have never been seen such loyalty in my life. it amazes me every day.

you choose who you are.



and yet. I breathe.
and I walk.
and I smoke.
the choice now is life.
moving on.
waiting it out.
have I decided that?
or has it been decided for me?

she said, "you gave in. you left. maybe that was right for you at that moment. but babe, look at all the beautiful things you missed. life is fucked. but look at what you missed."

I am always here.
I am lost.
yet I am here.


forgive me.
forgive me if I choose to miss the beautiful things.