Grief can destroy you - or focus you. You can decide a
relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in
death, and you are alone. Or you can realize that every
moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize
at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just
lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each
day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the SACREDNESS
of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to
see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just
watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or
washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric
bill. It was everything, it was the WHY Of life, every
event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery
of existence is the love you shared sometimes so
imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper
beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off
your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees
not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what
preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one
day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness,
to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.
Dean Koontz. Odd Hours.
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